Tonight Brandon and I decided to go back to the gym. I finally cancelled my membership in Lakeview (long over due) and will be getting a new membership in Andersonville once the Monopoly Money hits this Friday. I took a major hiatus once things in my personal life became very difficult and I needed to give myself the time I needed to sort through them and insure that I am psychologically healthy enough to continue on this journey of self-discovery. That took major precedence over the fitness goals I had set for myself this past summer. I also do believe I took on too much at the wrong time. I have stuck to my smoke-free lifestyle (7.5 months and counting!!) but other family stressors really overwhelmed me and I fell off of my fitness and other health goals. I think it is time to get back on the wagon..
Now that I feel I am on the right track and mindset, I feel I can finally get back to work on this flabby ass! ;) Tonight Brandon and I did some of the P90X at the gym (Chest and back) and then I ran 1.3miles on the treadmill to cool down after the work out. I do NOT plan on doing the P90X every day like the routine says because honestly, as a full-time student working on dissertation, my qualifying exam, practicum applications, class work, and a full client caseload, while still trying to have a life and maintain a relationship is just not realistic at all. I have decided to move at my own pace, which may be slower than what Tony Horton wants but it needs to happen. I overwhelmed myself and placed unrealistic expectations on myself that I couldn’t reach and torn myself apart when I inevitably failed at them. I set myself up for failure. But not this time..
It felt good to be back in the gym for sure! There were definitely some mixed feelings while I was there though.. I have gained weight back and I could feel the internal pressure pushing down on myself the whole time I was there. I avoided my glance in the mirror the whole time and fixated on the rolls of my stomach, chest and sides as I did each move. I actively tried to change those thoughts as I worked out, telling myself that fat is temporary if I put in the work like last time and that I shouldn’t hate on myself so much.. but thats always the hardest part is the restructuring of negative thoughts/beliefs. If I don’t expect my clients to be perfect at it right away, I surely cannot expect the same from myself.
I also tracked my food again today.. I haven’t finished eating for the evening since dinner hasn’t happened yet but I did have an apple after the gym which always makes me feel full so we shall see if I need anything else before bed.. The number is VERY low and that is something I am working on for sure.. It was a very busy day and I was going pretty much until I left my office so food wasn’t the top priority but snacking on healthy stuff and being smart about meal planning needs to be.
I am not where I want to be, emotionally or mentally but I am definitely on my way there and proud of the progress I have made and the peace with many problems I have found. I look forward to starting this journey on the right foot with a clear head and sound mind.
So today I stand here hoping that you can all still get behind me on this next leg of my journey. Your support through reading my blog, posting comments, texting, calling, or telling me that I inspired you to go after your goals helped push me forward in the past. I hope that you enjoy reading my posts again as much as I enjoy writing them.
Thanks for the support!